Well I've been fooling around with this girl for a while, and I can tell she's waiting for us to begin an official relationship. I'd be up for it, but I can tell that she's much more into it than me. She's pretty decent looking but is a little annoying, and I'm not sure how long it would last. However, it's been a while since I've been in a legitimate relationship, and I could use the experience, as fucked up as it sounds to consider somebody as just being "practice."
Tonight, however, I finally got to fool around with somebody I've really liked for a while now. I know that this girl holds mutual feelings, and she really is quite a catch. Knowing my history, though, I'll likely mess up whatever next relationship I get into, and so I'm wondering if I should hold off on this one for a while until I'm ready.
I can either say fuck it to the first girl and just go for the gold, or stick around and play in the little leagues for a while before moving on to the majors.
OR I can just go back to jerking off and eating pizza bagels alone in my apartment.
I'm not a terrible person, and I've no intentions to hurt the first girl's feelings. She really does want a relationship though, and if I started one with her I would make my wariness clear; I'm not planning on playing her just for the sake of getting some 'practice' in, but I'm also not going to pretend like there wouldn't be some sort of ulterior motive or that there isn't another person I'm interested in.
If I was still 18, this wouldn't be a problem. I'd just blindly make a terrible decision, get laid a few times, and then be back where I started. I'm trying to handle this like a semi-responsible adult, but it's been so long since I've been in a relationship, I keep reverting back to default.
Related: I lost my virginity to the first track on this album when I was sixteen, and it's still one of my favorite tracks/albums/bands. Guess I'm still immature as fuck?